Sabé's Journal
by JazzyJedi
Summary: The first in an AU series of storylines concerning the decoy and her relationship with a young Jedi Knight. This story takes place during TPM. "Choice" is the story that follows this one.


It was the perfect opportunity! The Queen Elect would be in office soon and the word was out. Applications were being accepted for Handmaidens. I was very qualified. I had training in protocol and diplomacy from my mother, who was an ambassador. I had martial arts and covert ops knowledge from my father, an important lieutenant working closely with Captain Panaka. There was just one problem. I was two weeks shy of my 18th birthday and the cutoff date for application was in one week. We didn't elect our leaders very often and many times the situations called for certain physical types. I might have never gotten this close to a chance again, so I had to try anyway.   
  
Although I had the connection, I did not want to get the job based on who I knew. So I didn't tell Panaka I was going to apply. I went to the Guard's office near the palace in Theed, and hoped for the best.  
  
I handed my application in to the officer at the desk, a middle aged woman that I had never seen. She looked it over, started smiling, then the smile turned to a frown of regret.   
  
"I'm sorry Dear, really I am. You're just not going to be of legal age before the cutoff date. And you have so much going for you too. Excellent grades, an internship with Governer Bibble's office, and many honors in Theed's top martial arts competitions. Why don't you re-apply in a couple of weeks? If an opening comes up, I'm sure you'll have a great chance." She was doing her best to be kind and I appreciated it.   
  
I just smiled, thanked her and turned to leave. At that point, Panaka entered the office.   
  
He greeted me, "Sabé, good to see you again. How are your parents?"  
  
I continued smiling, but felt embarrassed. The woman at the desk had heard Panaka come in , and was looking our way. I didn't want this to happen. I was ready to accept defeat gracefully, one of the few times I was willing to do so.  
  
But I responded politely, as I had been taught. "Fine, Captain. We are all looking forward to the coming reign of our new queen. Your preparations are going well?"  
  
"As well as can be expected." Panaka continued," This will be such a breath of fresh air, with a new ruler that can be trusted. I look forward to seeing you and your parents at the coronation ball. By the way, is there anything I can help you with, did your father send you on an errand?"   
  
I was about to wave him off, and excuse myself, but the secretary intervened. "Captain, she's submitting her application for a Handmaiden position. Don't you believe she comes well qualified?"  
  
Panaka gave me an appraising look. I just wished that a hole would open up and swallow me right then and there. "I know her qualifications very well. I've watched her grow up. Sabé, if you wanted a job, why didn't you just ask me?"  
  
"Captain, I thought that if I went through channels, then no one could accuse me of pulling strings to get the job. I want to get it on my own," I replied. I still did have my pride.   
  
I could see him tallying up what I had to offer. I had seen the same look on his face in crucial strategy sessions. "I'd like to see anyone make a case against you, just because your family and I work together! Your record speaks for itself. And as for the age problem....if we can elect a queen that's 14, I don't see why one of her handmaidens can't be a few days younger than 18." The Captain looked over at the secretary. "Accept this young woman's application," he instructed. He looked to me. "We'll find a way to make it work." It seemed like a promise.  
  
The next day, my father called me to his office. He was beaming with pride. "Panaka told me about your application. I'm so proud of you." He gave me a hug. "I think you will get the job. No, I'm certain of it. The board wants to interview you this afternoon." I was aghast. This left me no time for preparation. However, it would prove that I could react to the unexpected quickly and with ease.   
  
There would be one problem-my mother. She had another dream for me, and it would upset her very much to find her dear little girl becoming the Queen's handmaiden and pursuing a career in the service rather than going to college, finding a nice young man with a rich family and good prospects and getting married. Well, we would deal with that when I got the job-if I got the job.  
  
As if he knew my thoughts, my father winked. "We'll wait till the board makes its decision before telling your mother," he said. I smiled. Father and I were always close.  
  
A couple of hours later, I faced the board. Captain Panaka gave me a pep talk out in the waiting area before he had to step inside and take his seat. When I was called in, I was glad to see another friendly face. Governor Bibble was present as well. That would be two votes for me, I knew he was happy about the work I'd done in his office.There were two other members I didn't know. I supposed they were from other cities in Naboo. And then there was the Queen Elect, Amidala herself. She was already starting to wear the ceremonial costumes of the monarchy. It made for an impressive appearance.   
  
The board began discussing my application. As I expected, Panaka and Bibble spoke firmly in my favor.   
They used my record to demonstrate my suitability for this job. The two members from outside the city were less enthusiastic. They wanted this opportunity to try to establish some influence on the young Queen. They suggested that my connections and favoritism got me this far. They argued that I should not be seriously considered, as I was underage, so this was an invalid application and a waste of time anyway. The underage arguement naturally got a cold response from the queen, so that was dropped. I was beginning to feel it could go either way, the Queen had to cast the tiebreaking vote.  
  
She voted in my favor!   
  
I thanked the board and bowed to the Queen. I made a dignified exit, but as soon as I got outside, I lept for joy. Then I ran to Father's office. We had to put our heads together and figure out how to break the news to Mother.  
  
It wasn't an easy night. We had dinner, then Father moved us to the den. He told the news to Mother and she was in tears. She begged me to change my mind, told me that her darling child could not be in this kind of risky work. I stood firm and Father supported me.   
  
I tried to explain it to her. "This is my destiny."  
  
"Destiny! You sound like those Jedi you've studied for years!" Then she was gone.   
  
"Never mind Sabé, I'll take care of it," said Father.   
  
"But why is she like this? I'm no baby anymore," I exclaimed.  
  
"She has her reasons. I hope one day she'll be able to tell you about them," Father said, sadly. Then he went after her.   
  
The next morning I reported for orientation and training with Captain Panaka. Although there were other selections to be made for the group, Panaka wanted to get a head start with me. After a few days of the usual drills and lessons, he called me for a confidential meeting.   
  
When I got to the office, led me in. Inside was a young girl, also dressed in training garb. I acknowleged her with a nod. I supposed she was another recruit. I just didn't know why she would be in on a confidential meeting.   
  
Panaka began," Sabé, you have done very well. The Queen and I are pleased with your progress."  
  
"The Queen knows of my progress in training?" I asked. I had never seen her around.   
  
"Indeed, she does, and she has commanded that you be assigned the position of lead handmaiden. She would like you to train her in the art of self defense. Considering your expertise, I think that's a wise decision," Panaka beamed proudly.  
  
I'll have to admit, I blushed. It was nice having Panaka's respect. I knew my father would feel the same way when he learned of my achievement. "I can hardly wait to meet the Queen and express my gratitude for this honor," I said.   
  
The other girl in the office had been quiet until now. She stood up and looked me in the eyes. "The honor is mine that you would accept this position. But the captain has not yet told you of the danger it entails."  
  
I was stunned. This was the Queen, Amidala of the Naboo, here in front of me. She did not look the least bit imposing. She was the same height and build I was. Even the color of her eyes was close to mine. I recovered and bowed before her. "Your Highness, I know there is risk in protecting you. How is this more dangerous?"  
  
Panaka cleared his throat. "One of the responsiblities of the position is the enaction of a plan that is used in   
emergencies, where the safety of Her Highness is in grave danger. You will be the one to impersonate the Queen. It could mean that you would sacrifice your life for her escape. Are you prepared to do that, Sabé?"  
  
I looked first at Panaka, then the Queen. "I consider it a privilege to serve you in this capacity, Your Highness." I tried not to smile too broadly, I sensed this was a serious moment.   
  
"Very well, here is a schedule of when you are to work with the Queen."  
  
The sessions with Amidala went well. She learned what she had to, even though defense training was far from her favorite pastime. She was quite optimistic and fervently hoped that she would never have need of what I was teaching. As we progressed with improving her skills, we also started a friendship.  
  
One day, during a break, Amidala asked me, "Sabé, what's it like out there?"  
  
Puzzled, I responded, "I'm not sure what you mean, Your Highness."  
  
She explained, "I was handpicked and groomed for leadership at an early age. I was instructed privately by the best and brightest teachers on this world. I've managed Theed, been thoroughly prepared to become Queen. I do it because I believe I can serve Naboo. But I have wondered about life in the everyday world. At my age, other girls are going to classes, spending time together, talking about boys, meeting boys...." She trailed off.  
  
"Ah, Your Highness, well, I can tell you only my experiences," I replied. "It seems to me that often the girls who spend time together are those in the popular groups, and try to keep themselves elite and above the rest of the crowd. You care about others, so I don't believe you would enjoy their company. You would do well with leading a faction that was interested in service of the common good, I'm sorry to say there aren't many of those around with members of your age." I went on, "As for boys, I don't have experience there. With the skills to best most of them at marksmanship and martial arts, as well as an imposing father, there were none who were confident enough to ask me out. Father assures me that the situation will improve later."  
  
"Oh," the Queen looked surprised. "I would have never guessed. You're confident, skilled, pretty enough. I'd have thought you'd be very popular."  
  
I sat back and mused. "Perhaps I could have been," I told Amidala. "If I played the social games that my mother taught me. I preferred spending the years working to be the best student that I could be. I just wasn't interested in climbing the ladder of popularity. I have a feeling I'd look pretty silly at the spring dances, " I winked. "Not like you. If you were ever asked to a dance, you have closets full of elaborate gowns to wear." I grinned.   
  
She caught the humor and responded in kind. "Those gowns can be murder, don't think they can't. There's this one red number they're running up for me. I saw the headress for it, and if I start swinging my head while dancing in that one, I'd put somebody's eye out."   
  
We laughed out loud at the image. It was sweet relief to be a couple of friends talking for awhile and not Queen and Handmaiden burdened with the service of the entire planet  
  
Time seemed to fly during the month between beginning my new job and the coronation of the Queen. Soon she was competent with weapons and basic self defense. We practiced our fighting and with the weapons we learned to conceal in our gowns and capes. Amidala and I devised a name and character for her disguise, settling on Padme, an uncomplicated but intelligent farm girl. We tried the character out and she was able to make it work. Panaka was proud of us.   
  
As I learned more, I also became aquainted with the other girls on the team. Rabé was the one who most impressed me. She was attractive, self-confident and had a lovely exotic accent. She was pleasant company as well, managing to soothe us when the training got a little rough. She'd had no previous weapons or defense training, but she was something of an athelete, having done some gymnastics. She picked up on new things quickly, so it was easy to work with her. She had a great sense of style, designing hairstyles and arranging clothing combinations. Amidala picked her as the hairdresser. It suited her perfectly.   
  
Eirtaé was from a river valley town. She had won her position through her talent with protocol. Her specialty was knowledge of all the niceties that go with court life, so we had to consult with her on mannerisms. She had a knack for observation too, she was able to recount settings and events in great detail quite easily. There was a problem between the two of us, though. When she spoke to me, I sensed a slight tension that I did not see with the others. I wondered what bothered her about me, but I decided to give the situation some time to work itself out before I spoke to her about it.  
  
Saché was an interesting choice. She was from a good family, but had been orphaned at an early age. Shuttled from home to home as she was growing up gave her a variety of experiences that proved useful in the Queen's service. She was already talented in defensive arts, so I didn't need to work with her much there. She was a bit on the coarse side, streetwise, but still quite sweet. Eirtaé took on the challenge of refining her, and while she behaved during working hours, she was the one to go wandering about the city, or entertain herself flirting with the Palace guards.   
  
Yané was the one I almost felt sorry for. She was very intelligent, smoothly picking up on the necessary skills during her training period, but she still seemed a bit on the shy side, uncomfortable with herself and her role. I saw her smile at inappropriate times, and I asked Panaka if she was really in the right job. He assured me that she would grow into the part, so I trusted his judgement on that.   
  
By the time of Amidala's ascension, we had formed into a workable team. I could hardly wait to begin our real service.   
  
  
The day and the night of the coronation was one of the most splendid of my life. We accompanied the Queen everywhere. The ceremony and the parties afterward were of the grand Naboo tradition. The highlight of the festivities was the ball, glittering and sumptuous. My parents were present, of course. They approached the Queen to pay their respects. I saw them wink and wave at me as they passed by. Mother had finally come to accept my choice. At last, she was happy for me and eager to see me do well.  
  
That ball was beautiful. The music played, everyone danced. It seemed the future held nothing but promise.  
  
It was not to last.  
  
***********************************  
  
The month leading up to our escape from our home was difficult for most, fatal for some. The Trade Federation's blockade was depriving us of supplies necessary for a population of our size. We had to import much of our food and many medical supplies. The Queen knew that one of Veruna's legacies was a world that was not self sufficent in these resources. She had planned to take action to correct that during her reign. But this had come too soon-we wouldn't have been able to reach that goal for a few years. The Federation saw that and took advantage of our weakness to their benefit. I was most infuritated at the reason for their action. It was over the petty matter of taxes! I had to keep reminding myself that rage would not help, it would only distract me from the business at hand.  
  
When the time was near for our capture at the hands of battle droids, I wished to stay and fight it out. The Queen had to calm me and remind me that we were outgunned, fighting at this time was not the answer. I was going to insist on attempting to conceal some weapons as she helped me get into the black velvet dress that was to be my disguise. I even rehearsed my speech to her while I waited for her to join me. I did begin to wonder what why she was delayed when Amidala entered the dressing room at last. Saché was on her heels, the most earnest look on her face.  
  
"But, Your Highness," Saché pleaded  
  
"No! That's my final answer," the Queen said. Her voice was firm, and it was clear she would not discuss the matter any further, whatever it was.  
  
Saché bowed her head. "Yes, Your Highness," she replied meekly.  
  
Amidala's manner softened. "Saché," she said, touching the young handmaiden's shoulder. "I appreciate your thoughtfulness and concern. I know you meant well. Perhaps your preparations will be useful at another time. For now, this is the plan we are going to follow. You trust me, right?"  
  
"Of course," Saché blurted out. "You don't even have to ask!"  
  
"Well, then," the Queen smiled. "Bear with me, and all will be well in the end. Now, I must speak with Sabé. Go gather the other handmaidens and we will meet in the Throne Room shortly."  
  
As soon as Saché left, the Queen let her confident manner drop a bit before me. Sadness in her eyes, she helped me dress and prepare for my role as her decoy.   
  
"May I ask, Your Highness-what did Saché have in mind?"   
  
"She has a shelter prepared in the secret passages. It's stocked with enough supplies for a month. She wanted me to hide there while the rest of you were captured. I will not desert any of you to hide. I certainly can't rule from there. I didn't want to hurt her feelings, but it's not the plan for me."   
  
"I understand, Your Highness," I said. I started to rethink my speech. It might not be wise to bring up another issue so soon. I decided to try anyway.   
  
"Padmé," I said in the voice she used, "We should be prepared with the weapons so that if we can get the drop on them, we can make the best use of the opportunity."   
  
She stopped dressing me for a moment, lost in thought.   
  
When she picked up where she left off, she started coaching me. "Make the voice a bit deeper, Your Highness, and do your best to drop the accent. You will need to sound stoic. As much as I respect your defense ability, and you know I do, your plan has a brash aspect to it. I realize it's hard to walk and not fight," Amidala said. She stopped fastening the gown in the back for just a moment so she could walk around and face me. "And I know the feeling of violation you are going through, we all feel it. I believe our time will come, it's just not now."  
  
I nodded. At least I had tried.   
  
When she had finished, she stood back and looked me over. She was pleased with my appearance. She quickly changed into the handmaiden orange uniform and just before she pulled the hood over her head, she fingered her amulet. It was a token from her father, and I knew just how much it meant to her. In fact we had gone on a search in the woods that very morning to recover it from where it had fallen the day before.   
  
"Thinking of them?" I asked sympathetically. I was worried about my parents too.   
  
She looked down, not wanting me to see her eyes. When she looked back up again, there was no longer sadness. I saw concern and determination. Her eyes met mine, and she untied the cord that held the black stone and gold transparisteel decoration around her neck. She approached me, and tied it around mine.  
  
"Wear this, Sabé. It's a symbol of my gratitude for your bravery."  
  
I was stunned. "I can't take this from you, my Queen. It is an honor to protect and serve Naboo, and that's all I desire."   
  
"Then when Naboo is safe I will wear it once again. Until then, I want you to have it."   
  
"Thank you, Your Highness." I was moved by the gesture. I might have allowed myself to cry, but I had to remember to stay cool. Besides, it would have spoiled the makeup, and it was too near the time we would have to meet the invaders to take any chance with that.   
  
When the droids came, they captured us and took us as a group. It consisted of me, the other four handmaidens, the Queen in disguise, along with Panaka, Governer Bibble, and six guards. We were going to a camp to be imprisoned until they could get a treaty signed. I refused to cooperate, just as I'd been coached to do. I kept my eyes open for any sign from Padmé, and remained silent as much as possible, so I wouldn't slip and give our secret away.  
  
At the far end of the Plaza, before we headed onto the main walkway, I felt an electric crackle in the air. It seemed to tell me that something was about to happen, something important. I increased my alertness, tensed my muscles, glanced around. No one else appeared to notice it.   
  
Seconds later, three figures dropped from an overhead walkway, two human, one, a creature. The humans I instantly recognized as Jedi. This was thrilling for me, despite our dangerous situation. After years of admiring these warriors from afar, I was witnessing two of them in action.   
  
The older one, obviously a master, was refined and elegant in his approach to the confrontation. He took control of the situation, wasted no motion, and dispatched his share of droids quickly.   
  
I respected the master, but I found myself more fascinated with the younger one, his apprentice. I remembered they were called Padawans, and he wore the braid to indicate his position. My teachers would have fussed at his style, called it showy and reckless. He levitated straight into the air to kick out at two droids, rather than cut them down efficently. He twirled his lightsaber a bit more than necessary. Still, it got the job done and it did seem to suit him.   
  
The master moved us into a smaller side street, away from where STAPS might spot us. He introduced himself as Qui-Gon Jinn, and the padawan, Obi-Wan Kenobi, and told us the gravity of the situation. He required a decision from the Queen immediatly. We had to choose to stay on Naboo and face almost certain death, or accept his help in escape and plead our world's case before the Senate.   
  
It was not my choice. I turned while making a statement to buy time, "Either choice presents great risk, to all of us...." I had to see what Amidala would indicate to me. It was a very unqueenlike gesture, and it could give me away, I knew that. I just prayed that the Jedi did not catch on to the inconsistancy.  
  
Padmé responded in the code we had set up. We were to go to Coruscant.  
  
  
Even though it caused a slight delay, the Queen indicated to me that Saché and Yané were to stay behind. I could see the pain and confusion in their eyes. Amidala meant to spare them the risk of escaping the planet, but they saw it as rejection of their service, at least at first. She embraced them and whispered something to each of them as quickly and quietly as she could, then she let me know she was ready to leave.   
  
I looked Bibble in the eyes. "Be careful, Governer," was all I had time to say to one of my favorite teachers, but it was enough. He knew exactly what it meant- I was worried about him, my parents, and our world. He nodded in understanding, then gestured to show me he would take care of those he could.   
  
After getting through the hanger and onto the ship, I was whisked away to the royal quarters with the other handmaidens and the Queen in disguise. It was thought that we would be safest there to wait out the fight that was expected to ensue as we escaped. Though the ride was rough, we used this time to plan and try to anticipate what would come next and how I should react to it.   
  
"You will have to give me some orders," Amidala told me. "It will avert any suspicion that might come up. If you need a sign from me, try to find a way to put me in a position where you can see me without looking back."  
  
When the fight was over, and we were on our way, Panaka called us for a meeting with the Jedi and himself to go over what we would do next. He warned us of the ship's difficulty and asked the Queen to consider all the options. We followed him to the ship's throne room.   
  
Panaka opened the meeting with the presentation of the little droid that saved the ship. R2D2, it was called. Because of the fire it faced outside, it was dirty and covered with dust. But it was in a position for me to face it directly. Since I knew the next order of business would require a decision, I wanted to take my cue from the Queen. Here was the chance to place her in that position.  
  
I ordered Padmé to clean up the droid. She understood, and moved next to it where I could see her. I must admit, it seemed a bit uncomfortable for me to tell her what to do in quite that manner. I masked that discomfort with a smile. Alright- both Rabé and Eirtaé have accused me of enjoying it a bit too much. Maybe I did, but no one will catch me admitting it.   
  
The Jedi presented their proposal, that we land on Tatooine for parts and repairs. It did actually seem the best course of action under the circumstances. I read the Queen's face. She was not happy with the option, she was anxious to get to the Senate. It was with great reluctance that she signaled her consent, then left with the droid.   
  
The meeting over, Panaka and the Jedi prepared to leave. As Obi-Wan lingered at the door and spoke quietly to his master, I studied him. Even though we were in a bad situation, I couldn't help myself. When he faced me, I had to pretend that I was not concerned with him. I was quite pleased that I had been able to hide my attraction to him. Now that he was not looking directly at me, I indulged myself in very intense observation and thought of him. Almost as if he could pick it up, he suddenly turned and gave me a very strange look. Then he departed. He couldn't have known, could he?  
  
At that point I remembered the the Jedi were also telepaths, not just warriors. I sighed. Another mistake. I would have to be much more careful.   
  
Back in the Queen's chambers, I was able to remove the headdress for awhile. I took a deep relaxing breath. Closing my eyes for a moment to concentrate on what I needed to do next, I began to feel someone's gaze burning through me. I turned around, opened my eyes and faced Eirtaé.   
  
She was displaying a sly grin, like she had something on me.   
  
"That young Jedi is really quite amazing, is he not? I think I'll see if I can get his attention," she said, amusement in her tones.   
  
I refused to take the bait. I raised an eyebrow and gave her my most detached stare. "Perhaps you can. Maybe he likes blondes. Let us know how it goes."  
  
It wasn't what she wanted to hear. She buried her disapointment over the failed jab. As she retreated, I noticed Rabé had been watching the conversation. She winked at me before she turned away. When she thought my attention was elsewhere, she exited the room quietly.   
  
When we were almost to Tatooine, Panaka and the Queen were in discussion again. They had come to the conclusion that it might be unwise for Her Highness to stay aboard the ship while it was on this planet. The bright chrome craft could attract attention, and it would be hard to defend. She would have to extend her ruse and go out with the Master Jedi. If something happened, she could hide in the crowd and find a way to get off planet later.   
  
It was a sensible plan, but this time I was the reluctant one. I did not wish to be left without Amidala's guidance. What if an important decision had to be made while she was gone?  
  
She reassured me. "Don't worry Sabé, I'll be back soon with the parts and fuel. There's nothing that can be done until then anyway." She embraced me, Rabé and Eirtaé, then prepared to leave.   
  
She wasn't gone long before a message came in from Governor Bibble. It ached me to see one of my mentors so distressed. He was begging us to contact him. I looked in the eyes of the hologram. I had worked with Bibble long enough to tell he was doing this under duress. However, the message of suffering still rang true. I became upset and very restless. It was all I could do to sit still.  
  
The young Jedi jumped up and snapped at us, ordering us to send no transmissions. He quickly exited, to contact his master, I presumed. He left me feeling a bit insulted. Of course I was not going to send a reply, I'm smarter than that. Even so, I approached the evening with a heavy heart. I couldn't get the plight of our people out of my mind. I worried about my parents, Bibble, everyone.  
  
Rabé brought me some food. I thanked her, but barely touched the meal. I was in no mood to eat. I needed to do something physical. That was the only way I knew how to relieve the tension I felt.   
  
When the other handmaidens had gone to bed to try and get some fitful sleep, I slipped back to the Throne Room, determined to release my anxieties.   
  
For the workout I changed into a white skintight bodysuit. I tied my hair back. The white ceremonial makeup was still on, but I planned to wash it off after my exertion.   
  
Once I got inside, I started with a series of warm ups. Soon, I progressed to more strenous jumps and kicks. It was working, I was starting to feel better. Grabbing a practice staff, I began an exercise with it. Halfway through the series, I felt as though there was another presence. I knew it had to be my imagination, but I decided to follow through and make it a game. Instinctively, I turned in the direction I felt the vibrations coming from and thrust the staff out.  
  
It came to an abrupt stop. I found myself looking into the blue-green eyes of the young Jedi.   
  
If he were anyone but a Jedi, I could have caused my witness serious injury. He had stopped me with one hand. I stepped back and released the staff to his grip, breathing heavily from the effort.   
  
"I...I...I'm sorry," I gasped, wide-eyed.  
  
Kenobi, twirling the staff thoughtfully, never took his eyes off of me. "I'm beginning to wonder if our intervention was necessary." I thought I caught a hint of respect in his voice.   
  
I drew myself up, adopting the Queen's mannerisms , just as she had coached me. "Never doubt that, Jedi. It most certainly was."   
  
I started noticing that my heart was racing for reasons other than the workout. He was beautiful, in a way that I had never seen in anyone else. My gaze traveled from his eyes, around the curve of his face, over the lean frame. I adored the easy grace in how he moved, the way his heart embraced the light side. All these thoughts ran through my mind at the same instant.  
  
"Your Highness, I came because I could sense your anxiety. It was feeding my own, as a matter of fact. Perhaps I can help," he offered. He paused a moment. "Were you ever tested for Force sensitivity, Your Highness?"  
  
I knew every baby on Naboo had been screened for the last 50 standard years, so I didn't think anything of it to answer as I did. "Yes, but my talents are in other areas." I was catching my breath now and remembered what I had been taught in my classes- to center and find the quiet place inside. It was very similar to what I had discovered about Jedi techniques.  
  
As I did so, he looked impressed again, perhaps more so this time. "When you've finished centering, maybe we can practice together." He turned to go.  
  
At any other time, it would have been against my better judgement, but I found I couldn't let him walk away. Some voice in my head urged me to ask him to stay. "I'm ready now," I intoned. "Once we leave this planet, I'm sure we will be occupied with other duties."  
  
"Alright," he said , turning back and smiling. "Let me show you some advanced Jedi techniques." Most of what he demostrated was far above what I could do. It was fascinating to watch anyway. The result was my increase of respect for the Jedi in general, and this Jedi in particular.   
  
When he finished, he took the lightsaber in his hand. As though he were sharing something personal, he gestured to me to come closer. "Would you like to see how it works?" he offered.  
  
I tried to smile subtly, like I thought Amidala would. "I'd be most pleased to learn more," I said.  
  
He stood to my right side, and placed it in my hand. "Here's the button, I trust you. I don't let just anyone touch this."  
  
If I were acting as the Queen, I knew I should have been offended. However, my natural reaction was to giggle. I was able to stifle it enough to keep it down to a broad smile.  
  
"You should do that more often, " he said, very seriously.  
  
"What?" I asked, genuinely confused.  
  
"Smile," he replied. "I know you're in a grave situation and that must weigh you down. But your smile is beautiful." He started to say something else, but I think he remembered who I was supposed to be, and stopped.   
  
At that moment, I wished I could tell him the truth, about who I was, why I was on this mission. How I was not the Queen, but I fervently hoped that he would allow me this anyway. Instead, I tried what felt like the correct way of holding the lightsaber and igniting it.  
  
The blue beam emerged. I felt the vibration of the energy it contained. I gave it a small tentative swing.   
  
"Don't be timid now," Obi-Wan teased me. "Here, hold it like this." He moved behind me, pressed against my back. Reaching out, he put his hands on mine. Guiding my hand placement and the position of my fingers, he corrected my grip.   
  
At the contact of his hands with mine, the sensation that I'm sure that was like one of intoxication took over me. Time seemed to slow down, but my senses became more acute. My skin tingled and grew warm where he touched it. I breathed in his scent. The slight sweat from his demonstration enhanced his masculine aroma. I could hear him inhale deeply. I hoped he was breathing me in as I had him. I felt so alive, I could even savor the warmth of my blood as it ran through my veins. I closed my eyes and tried to shake off this unfamiliar feeling.   
  
He turned off the lightsaber and withdrew it from my grasp. I was alarmed. I feared that I had somehow offended him.   
  
"Oh no, please let's continue...,"I started.   
  
Still behind me, he said quietly, "Your Highness, perhaps we'd better take a break here."   
  
He walked around to face me and bowed respectfully. He seemed to be as tense as I was. His eyes met mine, and I saw something other than a Jedi's serenity there. Perhaps he felt the same attraction for me that I felt for him. I had to remind myself, his motivation was probably a fantasy of the Queen. I could no longer take advantage of my disguise in this way.   
  
"Yes, Jedi, you are right. It's time for both of us to get some rest. We will meet again when your Master returns," I intoned.   
  
  
He nodded, looked a bit regretful, and left. I wondered what had hit me.   
  
I made my way back to our quarters, and on the way, I ran into Rabé coming out of a side hall. I arched my eyebrow. She just smiled.   
  
**************************************  
  
When I awoke, the misgivings began setting in. Rabé and Eirtaé were not going to ask about the events of the night, but I knew they were dying to. They kept giving me those kind of looks. They had seen that I had been away much longer than I should have, and when I came back, that I looked flushed and flustered. Even though Rabé had been out too, she had been calm when I ran into her. I had the feeling the issue was going to be addressed sooner or later. I was going to make it later if possible. To that end, I planned to hide in the Royal bedchambers until Panaka or Padme called me out.  
  
  
Panaka finally decided to come in and talk to me. He sent the other two handmaidens out, so we could speak freely. He paced back and forth. I realized that I was the only one he felt he could talk to on the ship. We not only had a long standing relationship, but he could not unload on any of the men under his command present. If he did, he would risk appearing uncertain and weak.   
  
"Sabé, the Jedi keeps coming up with crazy plans and putting us all in a situation that goes from bad to worse," he fumed. "Now he's bet the Queen's ship on the entry fee to enter some kid in a pod race! That apprentice didn't even tell me, I overheard it as they spoke on the comlink. It's an awful long shot that a human can pod race at all, much less win."  
  
I let him go on, while I nodded sympathetically. All he really needed was to blow off steam. He hated having no control over the mess we were in. I knew Amidala was none too pleased either, but what else was to be done? If it all did work out, I wanted to meet this boy. If a droid could be rewarded for what it was programmed to do, how much more did a child who was not even of the Naboo deserve our gratitude?   
  
When the Captain had finished and left me, I pulled some files from the small library on board. Rabé and Eirtaé came back in the small room. Rabé joined me by the console, Eirataé kept her distance, but looked on.  
  
"Found anything useful?" Rabé asked.   
  
"Checking out our protectors," I said, pointing at the screen. "I've located what little there is on the Jedi. I've finally found a reference for Qui-Gon Jinn."   
  
As we skimmed over the information, Eiraté got a little closer. She was curious, but didn't want to admit it.   
  
Rabé shook her head while she read Qui-Gon's information. "He's got a record of being a risk-taker."  
  
"True," I agreed. " But I have to note, he's successful more often than not. I hope his trend works in our favor."   
  
As the day wore on, I passed the time by doing some simple exercises and reading more from the library. Rabé was absent again for awhile. I was starting to wonder about that. I didn't want to be suspicious, but habitual disappearances would not look good right now.   
  
Later, the Queen arrived with the good news. The boy had won the race! We would soon be operational again. The Padawan was hard at work on our repairs, and we were waiting for the Jedi Master to finish some final errands.   
  
Amidala was in and out of the chambers, and indicated she thought I should make an appearance soon, so I started to get the gown on before I called Rabé and Eirtaé to help. While doing this, I began thinking over what to tell the Queen about my conversation with the young Jedi. Seeing her here made me realize how what had happened could be awkward for her. After all, what if Obi-Wan mentioned the meeting or tried to follow up on it, assuming this was the same person he had spoken to in such a familiar way?  
  
I was almost ready, and I was waiting for the right moment to tell Amidala of last night's incident, when suddenly chaos broke out. I heard a scuffle, voices, someone shouted that we must take off. The ship rose and moved about, I almost lost my balance and fell down. I was about to go and see what the problem was, when Rabé and Eirtaé rushed in.   
  
"There's a fight, we're trying to pick up the Master and get out of here," Rabé shouted to me. "Just find a seat and wait." I nodded to indicate that I understood.   
  
The altercation passed quickly. Qui-Gon made it safely onboard. It was time for us to have another meeting and get our bearings.  
  
When Amidala was ready to continue as Padmé in her flame gown, we went to the throne room to get a report. Panaka and the Jedi were waiting, along with a boy, the one who helped us. The Master gave me a brief summary of the events on the planet and then brought the boy forward to take his share of the credit.   
  
Anakin was extremely charming and respectful. When I heard he was a slave, my heart went out to the child. It seemed only right that we were taking him to a life that had to be better than what he was leaving. He was still wearing his simple slave clothing, and since he had just traveled through some rough ground, he had the dirt of the road on him. I stifled an urge to humorously order Padmé to clean this boy up now. Even on a good day, I could only go so far. I thanked him on behalf of Naboo, and promised that when our crisis was past, I would find a way to reward him. Amidala was in a far corner, and I could see that she approved of the idea.  
  
The general meeting over, I announced that I was ready to take Padmé's report, and everyone else could be dismissed. Panaka, Anakin and the Jedi bowed and left. I was relieved that Obi-Wan had done nothing to even hint at our aquaintance as yet. I felt I better cover myself as soon as possible anyway.   
  
Rabé and Eirtaé didn't move. I cleared my throat. "Um, you both may go," I said. Reluctantly they left, their eyes telling me that they expected to hear all about the meeting with Obi-Wan sometime soon.  
  
Amidala noticed the looks they gave me. She stood there, confused. I stepped down off the throne, and in the heavy black gown, bended on one knee to her. "Your Highness, there's something I must tell you. While in your identity, a certain incident took place. I apologize for any problems this may cause."  
  
Her expression changed instantly. She did not need the white face now, there was no doubt as to who was the Queen. She stepped up and sat on the throne. In her court voice, she said," Handmaiden, explain the nature of this incident."  
  
I looked her straight in the eye. "Your Highness, last night in this throne room, the young Jedi Padawan and I were together. We talked, we worked out, and then there was a strong attraction between us. He did excuse himself before anything more happened. He thought I was you, and I did not correct him."   
  
The Queen was silent, deep in thought for what seemed like a long time. At last, she spoke, "We believe that there will be no serious consequences from your actions. This seems to be the nature of the Jedi. Last night, the Master engaged in similar behavior with the boy's mother." Almost breaking character, she speculated, "We wonder if they use the Force in these matters."  
  
"Most certainly, Your Highness," I affirmed. We both nearly laughed at that. I could tell that I was close to being off the hook.  
  
Amidala straightened back up and finished her hearing. "Handmaiden, we do expect you to behave in a responsible manner while on duty. You will take care with your passions and avoid compromising activities while acting on my behalf or in my identity. In your own identity and off duty, your business is your own. Is that understood?"  
  
"Yes, Your Highness. Thank you for your leniency." I bowed low, knowing that I caught a break with having a young Queen to work for.  
  
She stepped off the throne, and then my friend was back at my side, with wide curious eyes and an impish grin. "So, Sabé-you're going to tell me about it, of course."  
  
After I related what I could explain in words to Amidala, we walked back to join the other handmaidens in the bedchamber. We were very silent, and could hear a portion of the Jedi's conversation.   
  
The deeper voice of the Master was colored with a tone I could almost call amused. "She's fourteen, you know."  
  
There was a sound like an expelling of a mouthful of liquid, followed by the choking voice of the padawan. "Master?"  
  
We covered our mouths to quiet our laughter, and moved on.  
  
********************************************  
  
While enroute to Coruscant, we had some time to kill. I continued playing around with the library and drilling Eirtaé on her defense skills. She was weak in that area, her main tasks were etiquette and protocol. Very important abilities, but now she had to know more. Coming from a wealthy family made her seem a bit whiny and spoiled to me, but to her credit, she knew that she needed to get serious and learn what she could from me. This session wasn't going too well, though. Thank goodness we were only using dummy practice blasters.  
  
"Eirtaé, grip the pistol and aim it firmly. Stop wincing and shrinking back," I ordered.   
  
She looked exasperated. "I'm trying," she wailed.   
  
Rabé looked on, studying the tension between us. She served as hairdresser to the Queen, but she was also a master at psychology. Good thing she was, too. If she couldn't explain Eirtaé's behavior to me later, I was going to have to throttle the rich kid.  
  
Eirtaé's frustration was getting the better of her. "I shouldn't have to do this! I could have volunteered for the army if I wanted to do this! I'm just supposed to have a nice job worthy of my station."  
  
I stopped trying to teach, and took deep breaths. "Eirtaé, you signed the same contract as the rest of us. This is something we all have to do."  
  
"Sabé, I read the contract, but Naboo had been at been at peace forever before this. I had no idea I'd actually have to operate one of these things." She thrust the pistol toward me like it was something vile.  
  
I took it from her. "Perhaps when we get to a proper firing range, you'll find it easier to practice. For now, if anything happens, stay behind me and Rabé."  
  
She scowled at me. "I'll get the hang of it. Just let me have a break, alright?" I nodded.  
  
Eirtaé stalked off darkly, while Rabé remained, still sitting on a side area of the throne room.   
  
"What's wrong here, Rabé? I've been able to teach almost anybody, even Yané, who's had almost no confidence. But she just won't learn, she fights me every step of the way," said, sitting next to my cohort.  
  
"She really is uncomfortable with the idea, but there's something else, Sabé. No one has mentioned it to you yet, but she almost didn't get this job. She somehow believes that you had something to do with that. Remember how there were two votes against you in the hearing?" I nodded. "One of those votes came from a representative of her region. They feared that voting you in would reduce her chances of success. That's only one of the reasons that she's quite jealous of you."  
  
"Jealous? Of me?" I have to admit, this came as a surprise.  
  
"Yes, that you can do some things better than she can is taking her some getting used to. She'll realize that her talents are different than yours and just as valuable. For all her talk of her position, she's insecure. Just keep teaching her, she'll find her role." Rabé continued, "And there's the matter of your encounter with the Jedi." At this , she grinned. "Trust me, she's very jealous of that. At the moment she's the only one of us without at least a minor relationship."  
  
I laughed. "Minor isn't the word for mine, try non-existant. All we did was chat and experience a strong attraction. I wouldn't call that a relationship. Very nice, but there's nothing there that will last. Not that I wouldn't wish otherwise, but the reality is, I probably won't ever see him again after we land on Coruscant. I can't get attached." Rabé just smiled, like she had some delicious secret.   
  
"So you say, Sabé. But Eirtaé doesn't know that. And she wouldn't mind even a 'meaningless' encounter right now," Rabé replied.  
  
For some reason, this line of conversation made me squirm. I changed the subject. "But there's obviously a lot you know that I don't. Like your own relationship- I've been wondering where you were sneaking off to. One of the guards that escaped with us?"  
  
She nodded, "I had my eye on him before we left Naboo, I just hadn't figured out how to break the ice. Being thrown together on the ship made things much easier. Wish me luck, my friend."  
  
Besides my relief that the disappearences turned out to be harmless, I was pleasantly surprised and pleased for Rabé. "You've got it. So it seems that you are the only one really doing well, but she doesn't pick on you. Why antagonize me?"  
  
"Precisely because I am doing well. I have a better chance at a stable future with a Naboo guard than you do with a wandering Jedi. She can use that to her advantage. Don't let her play you, Sabé. Just remember, it's a phase she's going through."  
  
I sighed. "Alright, but that doesn't make it less difficult sometimes. Thanks, as always, for your gracious advice. I can see why the Queen needs you around to stay sane."  
  
The Queen entered, with Eirtaé in tow. "I think this handmaiden is ready to continue her lesson. Shall we work together now, Eirtaé?"  
  
She must have had some words with Amidala. She respectfully answered, "Yes, Your Highness," and went to pick up the blaster.  
  
After a much more successful session, I called it off for the day. We packed the blasters in the case and started chatting.  
  
"Your Highness, how is young Anakin doing? I hope the boy is settling in well after leaving Tatooine. About his reward- what about setting him up a home on Naboo? It seems to me that's what he needs more than anything, and it would be very easy to arrange. What do you think?" I asked.  
  
Amidala looked distant. She was growing cooler the closer we got to Coruscant. I sensed that this was the way she felt she needed to prepare in order to present our case to the Senate. I didn't agree, but I was not going to be able to influence her about that.   
  
"There is one need greater than a home for him. That's his mother. I'm not sure what we're going to do about that. I'll have to speak to my advisors when our trouble is past. Getting involved in a slavery issue could be touchy for us," the Queen said.  
  
I was disgusted by the politics of it all. I didn't blame Amidala, all this was set up long before she came into power. That didn't mean I had to like it.  
  
Then something seemed to bring her back out of her distant mood. "Oh, but you asked how he is settling in. He's been cold since he left the planet," the Queen told us. "I hope that he's not ill. I'll go check on him again soon."  
  
A chime let us know that someone was requesting entrance to the room. I sat back on the throne in my disguise and let Rabé see who it was.  
  
Panaka entered. He was here to tell us we were almost to Coruscant.  
  
**************************************************  
  
The Queen, Rabé, and Eirtaé were on their way to Senator Palpatine's office to discuss what options were available to solve Naboo's crisis. I was allowed to remain behind in the quarters reserved for us. I was off duty, but I might be called upon to relieve one of my group at any time, so I stayed alert and ready.   
  
I wandered over to the window and studied the view of Coruscant. Some considered it a lovely place, full of interesting buildings, streets, levels and lights. It made me cringe. I longed for the green of the meadows, forests and swamps of Naboo. I was so glad that we had kept most of the land as it was, even if it meant that we had to depend on other worlds for some of our necessities.   
  
While considering this, the comlink I was wearing chimed. One of our guards announced, "Handmaiden, a meal has arrived for you."   
  
I sighed. It had to be Rabé was playing mother hen again. My appetite was lighter than it had been at home, true, but I did not need her to be so overprotective. "Alright send it in," I responded. I was still only going to pick at it.   
  
I heard the door slide open. Still looking out the window, I directed, "Just put it anywhere." Then I turned around to deal with it. My heart lept with joy.  
  
Instead of the delivery droid I was expecting, Obi-Wan was holding a tray containing one of the most elaborate dishes I have seen in a long time. He had a slightly puzzled look on his face, as if he really didn't know quite why he was here.   
  
I swallowed hard, and steadied myself. I pushed the hood back to reveal my face and greet my unexpected guest. He looked me in the eyes and suddenly the expression changed to one of relief and delight. I liked that.   
  
"I didn't know that Jedi's duties included providing nutrition to handmaidens," I smiled.   
  
"For today, this Jedi's duties do," he quipped back, not missing a beat. He sat the tray down on the table in the outer room, setting up the utensils and beverages. "And really, I'm due a cushy assignment for a change. Sharing a gourmet meal with a beautiful woman should be on the roster more often." I was very pleased with the compliment, but tried not to blush about him again.  
  
"You mean that you and Master Qui-Gon don't do that every week? I'm surprised, it's certainly not due to lack of interest," I stated, with a sly grin. "The two of you make quite a handsome pair. You must have many candidates for such an honor."  
  
He put his hand on his chin and looked up in mock seriousness. "Ah yes, well, let's see...Master and I had a most interesting dinner a few weeks back with synthorations and a swarm of stinging Corellian mosquitos. On Kubindi, we scavenged for moss and leaves while evading some vicious little razorback creatures. And how could I forget that wonderful breakfast of purple flavorless goo that the Eurturpeans offered as their finest delicacy?"   
  
I giggled warmly, and he faced me, hands in the air, pretending to concede my point. "You're right, Lady. We float along from one feast to another, such is a Jedi's lot." His smile let me know that he felt comfortable with me.   
  
"Please, call me Sabé. And I always suspected as much. Now let's partake of your latest repast. I hope this will be a more pleasant experience for you than the ones you just spoke of," I said, seating myself at the table as he did.  
  
His eyes met mine. Softly this time, he replied, "It already is, but not because of the food." A thrill ran through me.   
  
Regaining my composure, I began eating, as did he. The dish was truly delectable, a Calamarian fish with a spicy sweet sauce. Fresh vegetables on the side cut into sticks and a bread of exotic brown color accented the meal. There was a Naboo wine, one of our rare crops and this was an especially good vintage. But seeing the bottle reminded me of home, and a wave of sadness washed over me.  
  
Obi-Wan looked concerned. He reached out and touched my hand. "Don't let it sadden you. It's meant to remind you of the good things about your home and give you courage." He offered one of the extra napkins to me, so I could dab at the tears threatening to flow.   
  
I sniffed, dabbed and nodded. Taking the glass into hand, I raised it to him. "Thank you, Jedi," I said as I raised the glass to my lips and sipped. I let my eyes meet his again.   
  
His hand that had touched mine now clasped it. "Obi-Wan," he said.  
  
"Yes," I smiled. "Thank you, Obi-Wan." At that moment somehow I knew that he realized I was the one who had impersonated the Queen with him. I couldn't yet say so, but I was glad he knew. It made me feel more free.   
  
"There, do you feel better now?" he asked.   
  
"Mostly. I'm going to worry until this is all over," I replied.   
  
"I'll just have to give you something else to think about," he said. And with that, he kissed me. It was a soft, comforting kiss, my first. The warmth it generated made me want more. I returned it, matching and then exceeding the desire he opened with.   
  
That's when something unexpected happened. I felt a brush of another mind opening to me- his mind. I broke contact and gasped. "What was that?" I asked.   
  
He pulled away for a moment and gave me a look of surprise. " A link!" Then, in a flash, he pulled me into his lap. With the other hand, he clasped the back of my head, and guided me to his open mouth. We almost could have swallowed each other in that kiss, it was so deep. I was surprised that I could have that effect on anyone, much less a Jedi.   
  
He tried sending me his thought. //Can you hear me this way?//  
  
I attempted a response. //Yes, we can communicate like this?//   
  
//Now we can. Let me try sending you a more complex thought// What he sent was on the verge of naughty. I felt the warmth of my cheeks as they burned with my mixed emotions.  
  
Through the connection I told him, //The young men on Naboo never seemed to find me attractive, not like you do, anyway//   
  
//Then the young men of Naboo are idiots, and don't deserve such as you,// he replied, his fingers caressing my cheek.   
  
He pulled me closer for the next kiss, then his face suddenly fell into a disappointed look. "Oh no," he moaned.   
  
"What's wrong," I asked, concerned.  
  
"My master's calling me. Says the Council will be ready to see us soon," he said, somewhat embarrassed.   
  
"So you have to go now?" I whined in dissapointment.   
  
He rose, lifting me up with him, then gave me a hug and small quick kiss. "I'm sorry, I must go. Take care of your Queen, and take care of yourself, Sabé."   
  
I let him out and watched him hurry down the hall. I hoped it wouldn't be the last time I'd ever see him.   
  
Then I noticed our guard. He was Rabé's sweetheart. He smiled slightly, but not too much. He would be discreet, much to my relief. "Can I tell her it's alright to come back now?"   
  
I rubbed my forehead, half embarressed, half amused. "Yes, you may. Thank you."   
  
A few hours after Obi-Wan's visit, the Queen was readying for her Senate appearance. She had selected her most elaborate robe, thinking that it would impress everyone with the majesty of Naboo.   
  
My orders were to continue to remain in the Senator's guest quarters. I would monitor what was going on, and staying out of sight would ensure that I could resume the Queen's position later.   
  
When Amidala was almost ready, a signal sounded on the comlink. The guard outside recognized Anakin and announced him. Rabé was closest to the door, and decided to allow him in. I could view the door from where I was in the next room. I liked Ani and I was hoping the Queen would agree to see him.   
  
When he entered and asked for Padmé, I could see the worry in his eyes. He was putting on a brave face, but he needed to speak to his friend before his test, the one he trusted most with his heart and soul-the girl he already loved.   
  
I glanced up at Amidala when she looked through the doorway to see who had arrived. I met her eyes and with my expressions tried to convince her.   
  
::Tell him the truth, Your Highness. He has earned the right to know. He will not betray you!:: I wanted to shout it out, but I could not.  
  
She turned away from me. Her expression remained cool. My effort had failed. Only her voice softened slightly, as she told Anakin that she would relay his message to Padmé. She returned to the inner chamber. It's the only time I've ever been angry with her.   
  
The boy, looking as though he felt hollow, turned to go. Rabé seemed as dissapointed as I was. I nodded at her, and walked over to the boy before he left the room.   
  
"Ani," I said, kneeling so I could look at his face. I put a hand on his shoulder. Slowly, I spoke. "You must know that I cannot promise this, but if it is possible, I will send Padmé to see you."  
  
He gave me that intense look. "You understand."   
  
"Yes Ani, I understand. I too, am away from home, far from family who love me and there is someone I care for who is near, but has duties to perform."  
  
He grabbed my hand, we gave each other a quick clasp of support. Then he left for his test.   
  
  
  
*************************************  
  
I was watching the Senate in progress, it was now time for the Queen to speak. As the vidscreen showed me the lack of support, we were getting, I had to slump back in my chair. Even Amidala could not prevail against the monster this body had become. I wiped away the tears that came while thinking of how much longer our people would have to endure.   
  
The Queen excused herself as soon as she could and made her way back to our temporary quarters. She changed into her next outfit, a lovely black kimono. The four of us tried to avoid speaking of Naboo, it would hurt too much to think of home now.   
  
"Anyone want a break?" I asked. I was fresh and ready to get out of this room. I'd been cooped up too long.   
  
"Your Highness, may I take Sabé up on her offer?" Rabé spoke, anticipation in her eyes. Amidala, well aware of her relationship with the young guard, who we had finally come to know as Rowan, gave her a knowing look.   
  
"Finish my hair, and you may go," Amidala told Rabé, in a stately, yet still warm tone. It was obvious that she approved of the couple. I smiled. After I had spoken with Rowan a short time, he seemed like a very good man, and I was happy for them both.   
  
The only one who looked less than pleased was Eirtaé. Oh, she managed a half hearted smile, but then busied herself with details of the Queen's gown and said nothing. I could see that this was not going to do. I didn't want to go so far as to pair her with someone myself, but I couldn't let this envy develop into full blown jealousy either. We had to keep our focus together as a team, not as girls competing for the best male specimen.   
  
"Eirtaé, I think you did well with your last blaster pistol session. Now, why don't you share your area of expertise with me? Since I'm about to go to the Senator's office for the first time, brief me on what happened before, and procedures I have to follow in my role there." It was the first time I had ever asked for her advice.   
  
The handmaiden brightened at my inquiry. She began talking all about what it was like, how it looked, what Palpatine had said, where we were supposed to stand. I listened, nodded and took as much of it in as I could. I didn't like all of what I heard, especially the statement by the Senator on accepting Federation rule. Before, he had been the one to promote the vote of no confidence. I couldn't yet isolate the reason, but there was something I was uncomfortable about-things just didn't seem right.   
  
We finished the Queen's preparations, then got on our cloaks. The three of us exited the quarters to find the Gungan that had tagged along wandering about in the hall. My first instinct was to reprimand the guards for letting him linger so close to the Queen. I had not learned yet to be comfortable with him around, despite Amidala's reassurances that he was harmless and not at all like the stories we heard. For me as a child, the Gungans were what was going to get me if I was bad. Later, I was taught that they were simply not to be trusted, barbarians to be avoided whenever possible. I generally don't like prejudice, but I was having a hard time overcoming my own. I tensed, and kept a vigilant eye on him.  
  
A long, winding walk later, I was on duty with Eirtaé in the Senator's office, keeping watch on Her Highness. We had been there for some time now, awaiting news from Palpatine and Panaka. The Gungan did know to keep his distance, so I had started to let my guard down a bit. Now Amidala was looking out a window, contemplating the city, much the same as I had done earlier. The creature moved closer to her, seeming to begin a conversation. I could not hear what they spoke of, they were using lower tones. Since the Queen did not indicate that she was threatened, I stayed back and let them talk.   
  
A few moments later, Panaka burst in with Palpatine. They were very excited as they told us their news, that Palpatine was in the running for Supreme Chancellor. Everyone seemed pleased with this. Everyone but me.   
  
I had no solid evidence to back me up, so there was nothing to be gained by telling the Queen my feelings. What really sent chills up my spine was the way he spoke when he declared that he would be Supreme Chancellor. It was obvious that he had no doubt of this. At that point, I realized the danger that he represented was worse than any child's nightmare of Gungans.   
  
Amidala must have felt something though. She asked about a few points that she was concerned with, then quickly made the decision that we were returning to Naboo.   
  
While Panaka readied the ship and we packed, the Queen was in deep thought. I could tell she was planning something, but I had no clue as to what it would be.  
  
Our preparations done, we headed back to the ship. Amidala was now in a purple traveling gown, we were in our orange/yellow sunset outfits. I looked ahead and was delighted to see Master Qui-Gon at the platform to meet the Queen. He approached her, and told her that he would be accompanying us to Naboo to ensure her safety. I felt better already, and I could tell Amidala did too. I was also happy at the prospect of seeing Obi-Wan again, as well as getting to talk to Anakin. I glanced around and caught sight of Ani and the R2 droid. I nodded as I passed them.   
  
We boarded the ship, then I saw Obi-Wan. I glanced for a second at the Padawan and noticed something seemed wrong. I tried the link we had started.  
  
//Obi-Wan?//  
  
He met my eyes for just a moment as we passed. //Greetings, Sabé// There was a touch of dejection in his tone.   
  
"Handmaidens," the Queen said, "you're with me, we meet in the throne room." She allowed herself a slight smile at Ani and then requested that R2 join us. She had to move us along quickly before Ani figured out that Padmé was missing.   
  
I reached out once again to Obi-Wan. //Talk later?.//  
  
//I think I'd like that. I'll be in touch.// , he replied.   
  
We reached the Throne Room, Amidala locked the door behind us. She ascended the the throne. In her normal voice, she asked, "Sabé, what would you say if I told you the Gungans have an army?"  
  
My jaw dropped. This was totally unexpected. I was privy to much secure information on threats and defenses, and nothing had ever been released on a Gungan military operation. But then, no one expected the Trade Federation's ploys either. It seemed this was the last thing the Naboo needed.   
  
Recovering, I stated, "Your Highness, this is a surprise. You got this information from the Gungan traveling with us? Can he be trusted?"  
  
The Queen smiled. "Yes, and it surprised me also. I believe in Jar-Jar Binks and he has become an ally." Before I could speak of my doubts, she shot me a look that kept me silent. "Your assignment for now is to plot a way to the throne room using the secret passages. R2 is here to help you with data and graphics. Show me when you are finished."  
  
R2 and I worked together on the assignment. After we were done, I ran it by the Queen and she approved. Rabé and Eirtaé had been working on other projects and we would coordinate it all just before we got to Naboo. Amidala hinted at this point that part of her plan hinged on disguising me again. Putting the pieces that I had together, I began to see what this might lead to, at least as far as my role was to be. I was going to have to work very hard to be ready for the event.   
  
After a couple of other minor assignments and preparation with my team mates, I was relieved of duty for a time. I changed back to my practice workout gear and did my exercises with great intensity. I was determined that I would not fail Naboo.  
  
It seemed this time I had worked a bit too strenously. I exited the throne room, feeling a strain in my lower back. Slipping my robe on over the bodysuit and dabbing at my face with the towel, I decided that Rabé would be allowed to baby me this time. I had been hard enough on myself . A few steps out of the room and I met Qui-Gon with Anakin in tow.   
  
I gave them a smile and a nod as I passed, holding my back. I tried to stand up straighter hoping they wouldn't notice the strain, but the Master was too observant. He touched my shoulder, "Young Handmaiden, you're in pain."  
  
I smiled uncomfortably and replied, "Really Master Jedi, it's nothing. I just overextended a bit. I'll be alright, thank you."  
  
He wouldn't be put off. "I insist," he said as he gently, but firmly manuevered me back to the Throne Room. Anakin followed.  
  
Resigned, I opened the door. The Master guided me to one of the cushioned seats on the wall and pulled it down. "Now, sit here. This won't take long. Anakin, go to the galley and get us some tea. Herbal for the two of us and Green Endor for the young lady here. It will help with her soreness."  
  
Anakin recognized me from the Senate Quarters and gave me a warm smile. We nodded at each other and he started toward the exit. "Oh, and Ani," Qui-Gon said. "Leave the door open."  
  
"Yes, Master, Sir," Ani said and was gone.  
  
"Master Jedi, you, of all people, have more to do than make a fuss over me...," I started.  
  
He gave me one of those looks, the one that encouraged yet reproached at the same time. "And Lady, you know better than to strain yourself. Now, remove the robe so I can heal you."  
  
I already knew there was little point in arguing, so I let the robe slip off. Qui-Gon started his examination using a healing touch. It was a far different sensation than Obi-Wan's caress. It was a soothing, comfortable feeling rather than an exciting one. It was almost paternal.  
  
I started feeling safe enough to bring up what must be a more sore subject than my back. "Master, I have sensed tension and uncertainty from Obi-Wan. I may be overstepping my bounds in asking, but is there a rift between you and your padawan?"  
  
I felt him stiffen ever so slightly. I backed off, "Forgive me, I shouldn't have asked."   
  
He was silent for a moment. Then he relaxed and responded. "No, it's alright. Your concern for Obi-Wan is genuine. It's true, we are avoiding each other right now." His voice took on a tinge of regret. "In trying to do the greater good, I've hurt him. I wish things hadn't gone this way."  
  
I turned my head to the side so he could see by my smile that I meant the next statement in the best way possible. I made it as warm and approving as I could. "You just like being everyone's daddy, don't you?"  
  
He was slightly taken aback. I don't think he expected to be spoken to in that manner. He considered it, then accepted. "Not quite *everyone's* 'daddy', as you put it. I do think that's the nicest thing anyone's said to me since our arrival at Coruscant. I thank you."  
  
"You're quite welcome. I'm sure everything will turn out for the best. Obi-Wan may be an adult, but he's not quite ready to give up his father figure yet. I don't think you want give him up either, if you can help it."  
  
I must have been getting too close at that point, he politely changed the subject. "You know, you and Obi-Wan should *talk* more. It would do you both good," he said with the teacher/parent tone.  
  
I couldn't help it, I smiled because I knew I had it coming. "You have me there, Master. In my defense, let me say that he is the only one who affects me so. The only one who can, I think. We do start talking, but before long, well ,you know what it turns into. If I were Force sensitive, I would hazard a guess that that's what comes into play, the Force influence. It seems to be something that moves me, rather than a planned decision on my part. Maybe I'm just making it up to avoid responsibility for my actions. I don't know." I shrugged.   
  
"We have a saying, 'Nothing happens by chance,'" Qui-Gon said, counseling me now. "Meditate on that. Now, let me teach you something before Ani gets back, here's how to put up a shield. Don't be frustrated if you don't perfect it right away. It takes practice."  
  
He gave me a quick lesson, and with perfect timing, as soon as it was over, Ani arrived with the tea. Amidala had gone back to her Padmé persona and accompanied him. When she entered, the first sight was Master Qui-Gon's hands moving lightly over my back. She shot me a look as if she couldn't believe I was using her throne room for that again. I returned with a gesture of complete innocence. The Master noticed our body language and the game we made of it and stifled a chuckle. Fortunatly, it went over Anakin's head.  
  
The four of us relaxed and enjoyed our tea and light conversation. I was glad to see the knowing looks that Padmé and Ani exchanging. Ani and Qui-Gon entertained us with a few stories of their exploits. Padmé and I appreciated their company. It was a break that we needed before we got back to the work of dealing with the invasion.  
  
Suddenly Obi-Wan came to the door. "Master," he called just before he got there. When he got far enough to see the four of us making a sort of party of the gathering, he just stopped. "Oh, excuse me," he blurted, and moved away quickly.  
  
"Master," I said, looking at the door, then Qui-Gon, "Are we done? I thank you for your ministration, I am ever so grateful, there are duties that I need to tend to..."  
  
"Yes Handmaiden, we are finished," he said. Rising with me, we both stood up and he helped me with my robe. "Now remember, no unnecessary risks. You have far too important a role to play in what is to come." Then he whispered so only I could hear,"Black Alderaan is his favorite." I nodded in understanding.  
  
Rushing through the next few steps, I caught a quick sonic shower in the 'fresher of the Royal quarters, changed into the orange handmaiden gown, hurried to the galley and found what I was looking for, some Black Alderaan tea and sweet biscuits. I finally allowed myself to slow down as I was drawing the hot water and the tea steeped. I decided to try reaching out with my thoughts, seeking my Jedi friend. Amazingly, the image came to me. He was in the lower deck, near the power core, alone. The tray of refreshments ready, I went to him.  
  
I entered the area, and actually surprised him. "Sabé," he exclaimed, half smiling. "What is this?"  
  
"My turn to serve Jedi," I replied. "I'm afraid we don't have as grand a selection of food as on Coruscant, I hope this will suffice for now." I placed the tray on the small counter in the room. There was a bench around it, and I motioned for him to sit. He did and sweetened the tea with honey.   
  
I stayed standing and moved behind him, placed my hands on his shoulders. I started gently working some of his tension away. He let himself relax at last.  
  
"Thank you for coming to me. I needed that," he sighed.  
  
It was a sexy sigh, I had to restrain myself. Qui-Gon was right, we did need to talk more, especially now that I wanted to be a friend to this man. "Whatever you're feeling about the situation between you and your Master, it will pass and things will be as they should. You trust that, don't you.?"  
  
"Yes," he said, leaning back and taking my right hand. "This is just hard to get through right now. Why don't you sit with me?"  
  
"Alright," I responded. He released my hand and I moved to sit next his right side on the bench. Suddenly he reached his arms around me, pulling me back into himself. He held me close and buried his face against the back of my left shoulder. I think he would have cried if he could have allowed himself that. I placed my right hand on top of his that were around my waist and with my left hand reached around to stroke his temple, hoping it was comforting.  
  
Lifting his face, he spoke, "When I do lose him, it will be too soon. No matter when that is, it will be too soon."  
  
"That's how it is with someone you love." I let him hold me and work his way through the despair. When I sensed that he was getting centered, I asked, "Tell me some of your memories of those at the Temple, your friends and other teachers. I'd like to hear about it, if you wish to share."  
  
Focusing on the pleasant memories seemed to help him. "Yes, I fought hard to keep many of those. I survived a memory wipe that was tried on me once. Thanks to the Force, it didn't work." He continued with tales of students that were close to him. Among those who were close to him was Bant, a Mon Calamari. There were others as well, such as the two boys who stuck together through it all, Reeft and Garen Muln.   
  
"There, that was quite a bit of history," he said, tired after the bout of storytelling. "And now I'm with you. You've become special. Very dear to me, as a matter of fact."  
  
I closed my eyes, and felt the warm shiver run through me. Obi-Wan had sent a Force caress to me.   
  
He released his hold on me and turned me around to face him. "Is that so?" I asked in jest.   
  
He moved in and kissed me.  
  
The comlinks all the handmaidens wore chimed to indicate that our time off was over. I tried to think up new curses. The old ones I knew did not seem bad enough.   
  
Reluctantly, I pulled back from the kiss. "Duty calls. I hope we can take up where we're leaving off soon."  
He nodded in agreement, and we both started towards the upper deck to the Throne room.   
  
Obi-Wan and I got to the door that joined the compartment that we had been in, to the droid hold and its elevator. Coming from the direction of the escape pods, Rabé and Rowan emerged from another door. They were straightening themselves up quickly, tucking bits of uniform into place. I bit my lip and did not say a word as we rode up the elevator and to the Queen's meeting.   
  
***********************************************  
  
Since I knew what the Queen would be proposing in the meeting, it came as no surprise to me. Captain Panaka was shocked and outraged, of course. As he voiced his objections to her plans, it occurred to me that she had prepared her responses by gauging his reactions as similar to mine. His were much stronger and more vehement, but basically they were the same. When she brought up Jar-Jar Binks, and his army, Panaka finally swallowed his rage, and gave the shy Gungan an cold stare. He was overruled and he knew it.   
  
The Jedi were more in favor of the plan, but could not say so, they reminded her that they were only able to protect her. That would be enough for our needs, they would find out more soon.   
  
When the Queen told the Gungan what he needed to do for her, he was afraid, but very willing to help. It seems that he had been as won over by her acceptance of him, as she had been charmed by his friendliness. It was not a match that I ever would have anticipated, but I was counting on it to work. We could do no more now than wait for our arrival home to play out the scenario.  
  
As we landed on Naboo, I was putting the finishing touches on my disguise. I hoped it would be the last time that I would have to assume the Queen's identity. This time was the most risky. I was to negotiate with the Gungan leader, Boss Nass, in order to form an alliance and get the Grand Army to fight for us. Frankly, I doubted it would work. I thought that the Gungans must have told their children similar tales of us as I had heard of them. Through my head ran the many diplomatic lessons my mother tried to teach me when she thought I was becoming a bit too tomboyish. For the first time I hoped that some of it might have sunken in.  
  
We stood on the edge of the forest waiting for Jar-Jar Binks to return. Amidala was Padmé again and as cool as could be. I tried following her lead and doing my best to contain my apprehension, but it was difficult. I needed practice on meditation. I wondered if I were to ask Master Qui-Gon Jinn if would he help me out again.  
  
Peering at the two Jedi at the edge of the lake, I noticed there was still an uneasiness between them. I hated that. I sensed that Obi-Wan did too.I saw him approach his master in humility, there was a smile from the older man, then the energy seemed to flow properly between them again. I was glad, that was as it should be.  
  
When Jar-Jar broke the surface of the lake, it seemed the news was not good. The Gungan city was deserted. Captain Panaka, was the cynic as usual. He declared they must have been wiped out or taken to camps. Binks knew better though. He would lead us to a sacred Gungan place. It would be dangerous, as they would not like us at all.   
  
"Stay behind me at all times, Your Highness, please," I whispered. I was concerned, and I wished nothing to happen to her.   
  
Amidala gave me a grateful smile, with a hint of pity. She would do whatever she felt was right no matter what Panaka or I had to say. I would just have to be ready to deal with that.   
  
Jar-Jar guided us to the hiding place. It wasn't long before their guards found us and escorted us to the leader, Boss Nass. I was ready. I had been well coached.  
  
The Gungan Captain introduced me as Amidala. I stepped forward, ready to open discussion.   
  
"I am Queen Amidala of the Naboo, I come in peace." I watched his features, trying to interpret his reaction. It was difficult for me, I wasn't used to reading a Gungan's face. He didn't like me, that much I could tell. I did gather that he blamed us for the invasion, and felt we were as bad as the Federation.   
  
I could feel Amidala's will behind me, pushing me to try again. "We wish to form an Alliance with you," I started. Nass cut me off abruptly, telling us he would have nothing to do with us. I took a deep breath and was about to continue, when the Queen stepped in front of me! I stifled the urge to shield her with my body from the electropoles.   
  
Amidala, the real one, turned to me in consolation. "You did well, Sabé," she said, softly. Even so, I felt the pain that comes when you've let down someone who trusts you. But by that time even I had sensed that I could get nowhere.   
  
She faced Boss Nass, announced that she was truly the Queen and explained how we needed to work together to get our world back. Nass still wasn't going for it. Then she did the truly unexpected.  
  
She knelt before the Gungan leader, offered us all as his servants.  
  
We were shocked. Panaka would have been outraged, if we weren't surrounded. But we all dropped to our knees.   
  
Tense moments passed. Then Nass began laughing, and accepted us. We would be working together.   
  
************************************  
  
While Panaka and his crew were on the recon mission, I asked for the opportunity to take a break, to clear my head. Amidala had others to protect her for this time, so she agreed, deciding that all the handmaidens could use a rest. I wanted to take a walk in the forest and find a secluded spot. Soon, there was a quiet place that appealed to me. I knew something, maybe the Force had led me here, for the spot was perfect-a small hollow concealed by thick bushes. I could be hidden and undisturbed. I kneeled and began my meditation. The recent events ran through my mind.   
  
It wasn't long before I was joined by Obi-Wan. I didn't expect him to be seeking me. He warned me he was coming with his footsteps. I smiled. I knew it would have been just as easy for him to catch me off guard.   
  
"Why are you all alone this far from the group?" he asked.  
  
"I was looking for a little peace and quiet before we go to battle," I replied.  
  
"Were you? You didn't mean to call me?" Obi-Wan frowned.  
  
"I was thinking about you, if that's what you mean. Going over the last few days in my mind. Did it seem I was calling you? I wouldn't want to interrupt this time for you to be with your master," I said.   
  
"My master is the one who said I should go to you. Sabé, I don't think you know how well you send, especially if someone other than myself can sense it," He declared. "What a waste, that you can't train with us," he said sadly. But then he perked up a bit. "What were you thinking concerning the last few days?"  
  
It would be hard to admit, but I would not lie to him again. I bowed my head, thinking it might be easier if I avoided looking at him. "That I wish I could have told you who I was from the beginning. I hope you were never angry or disappointed that I'm just a handmaiden and not the Queen."  
  
He came to me and took my chin in his hand, tilted my face up to look him in the eye.   
  
"I chose to be with you. I didn't care if I was with a Queen. I wanted the woman I saw in that private moment. You are strong, dedicated, capable and beautiful. Of course, the pull of the Force and the desire I sensed in you helped quite a lot."  
  
I blushed and smiled.  
  
"And after all, you know it wasn't long before I realized you weren't the Queen," he said, amused.  
  
"Yes," I said," I'm still wondering why you decided not to reveal me."  
  
"I didn't see a reason to do so. Your loyalty to Amidala was very clear. The other handmaidens and Panaka were obviously in on the ruse. I decided to wait and see what it was leading up to," he said. "But Qui-Gon knew first, and he did have some fun with me over it." Obi-Wan rolled his eyes in mock exasperation.  
  
I laughed, relieved that the burden of the deception had been fully lifted from me. "So," I asked, "When and how did you know for sure?"  
  
"When I met Amidala as the Queen for the first time going to Senator Palpatine's office, I knew that she was not who I had been with in the throne room. Her eyes were cool, in control at all times. Not like yours, you, with fire in your eyes." His fingers ran from my temple down the right side of my face, caressing it. "I saw that fire on the ship and again, when you lowered your hood in the guest quarters to accept the dinner your compatriot, Rabé charged me with bringing to you."  
  
I took the braid between my fingers, slowly handling it, enjoying how it felt. "I must remember to thank Rabé for her intervention," I said.   
  
He leaned over and kissed me, this time even deeper than the kiss in the Senate quarters. I asked for more, as I returned the kiss with equal fervor, and my request was granted. When that ended, I decided to take a risk. "I should like a review of what I've learned about our bond. After all, I might never have a chance to use what I learned again, and I do hate wasting knowledge." I looked to see what his response would be.  
  
"Dear Sabé, you need no review. I would like to see what you come up with on your own," he breathed. I felt two caresses this time, one with his fingers down my neck, the other a Force touch, mind to mind, that was infinitly more pleasureable. I closed my eyes and gasped as the wave washed over my entire body.  
  
"Can I do that?" I asked.  
  
"I think so," he told me. "Find your center."  
  
After a few moments I had done so. When he saw I was ready, he said,"Focus on a higher emotion that you feel for me, something like for respect for an ability, or admiration for a talent. Associate it with a physical desire, then feel it so strongly that you send it."  
  
I closed my eyes and followed the instructions.   
  
The reaction was just what I hoped for. He clenched his fists, gasped and his eyes almost rolled back in his head. After the wave, he took a deep breath, "How do you do that so well, so soon? I mean, you haven't even been trained!"  
  
All I could do was shrug. "I don't know, Obi-Wan. It's only been with you." I sent another touch, and while he was distracted by that, guided him down I removed the headress I was wearing, and placed it to the side. It would have been an obstacle. I'd worry about fixing myself up later.  
  
Obi-Wan opened his eyes to find himself lying on the fragrant Naboo ground with me next to him. I was chest to chest with him and studying that handsome face. "So, you would like to see what I come up with, hmmm? Does that mean I have free rein to have my way with you?"  
  
"I am in your capable hands, my lady," he affirmed.  
  
//What a gift you are giving me today, what a treasure you are!// I couldn't hold back my feeling.  
  
//It's no more than what you are giving me, Sabé.//  
  
//I wish you didn't have to go to the battle, I hate to see you at such great risk,// He thought.   
  
//Sweet Obi-Wan, I feel the same for you, especially with that Sith out there. But we are warriors, we do what we must. Let's just enjoy the here and now together.// I kissed him with tender affection, rather than passion. He responded in kind.   
  
He grinned back, eyes still closed. //As you command, Mistress// He released me from his embrace.   
  
"Careful," I growled, speaking this time, "you might be sorry you said that to me."   
  
//I don't think so, I trust you, remember. I always have.// was his reply.   
  
Somehow, that struck me as more erotic than anything he could have said about my body.   
**************************************************************************   
After it all, I was more at peace than I had ever been. Now I knew why it was called making love.   
  
When we had rested for a bit, we became aware that we might be called back soon. Fortunatly, a clear brook was nearby, and we refreshed ourselves with the cold water.   
  
I took the makeup kit that was concealed in the waistband I was wearing with my outfit. There was enough to re-apply the disguise once. After I had dressed and replaced the headpiece, I spread the white over my skin. The tiny mirror I had was hardly big enough to check for missed spots, but I could tell I had done fine so far. I took a small brush and miniature tube of red creamy lipstick and prepared to finish with the cheek and lip markings.  
  
Obi-Wan stopped me. Reaching for the brush and cream, he said, "Let me help. Your mirror isn't large enough to really see what you need to." I gladly handed the supplies over to him, turning towards him to make the task easier.  
  
It was hard to stop the big smile that seemed to come with no effort to me now. Obi-Wan scolded,"How can I get this straight working around a big wide grin like that," not bothering to hide his own pleasure and amusement.   
  
"So now, Jedi are also makeup artists, as well as protectors and waiters," I commented, then calmed my expression so he could place the two red dots on my cheeks.   
  
He finished the dots, and hesitated before he moved on. "And lovers. Don't forget lovers. We serve many needs, Lady." That gleam came back into his eyes.  
  
I laughed out loud. "That, my dear friend, is something I shall never forget."   
  
Then a cloud passed through my mind, changing my mood. It was as if I was feeling a foreboding of tradgedy to come.   
  
He saw my face and that stilled his enjoyment of the moment. "What is it, Sabé? Are you having a premonition? It happens this way sometimes."   
  
"Will you do something for me?" I asked with solemnity.  
  
"If I am able to," he promised, matching my demeanor.  
  
"When this is all over, just before you leave Naboo, tell me goodbye. You've played an important part in my life. I'll need the closure."  
  
He seemed surprised at my request. I couldn't quite tell what he thought of it. He looked down, as though collecting his thoughts before responding. I didn't want to test the mental bond, so I watched for his reaction.  
  
After a moment, he looked into my eyes. "Is goodbye what you want?"  
  
I reached out to touch his right hand. "Of course not, Obi-Wan. In a perfect galaxy, we'd all survive this conflict. You and I could continue a relationship or at least stay in touch, and everyone would live happily ever after. I have to be a realist and understand that this may not come to pass. Trust me and know that the feelings I have for you are true. See for yourself." I removed the shields completly and let him in.  
  
Slowly, cautiously, gently, he entered my mind. He found the way I saw him and how I cared for him, enough to let him go, if that was what he needed. He dared to show of himself , I gasped to see what he felt for me.   
  
When he withdrew, I felt as though the confusion concerning me was melting away, replaced by a new resolve. He took the hand I had on his, touched it to his lips. "There may be a way to avoid goodbye," he stated. "We'll see what we can find out after the battle, all right?"  
  
I nodded in assent. "Now we must finish your mask," he noted. Dipping the brush in the red cream, he smoothly applied the upper lip fully with color and decorated the lower lip with the Scar of Rememberance. I thought to myself how lucky I was to be painted by him and how the slight tickle of the brush grazing against my lips could have led to more, if only we had the time.  
  
The Jedi tilted his head, as if hearing something distant. "Master Jinn tells me that he and the Queen wish to see us," he said, as he finished the final touches on me. First, you are to meet with Her Highness and Panaka, our briefing will follow. Are you ready?"   
  
"Yes," I answered. He took my hand and we returned to the encampment.   
  
Master Jinn met us at the edge of the woods. He was beaming with a sly smile, and he motioned for Obi-Wan to wait by a speeder near the Queen. "The plan has changed, young Handmaiden. You will meet with Her Highness shortly. Go to the group that has been found in the underground movement from Theed." He motioned to some of the guards, and left with his apprentice.  
  
I walked over to the soldiers, looking at who was among them. A few faces I recognized from seeing them around the palace, but there was no one I knew well. As they caught sight of me, they stopped their conversation and turned to stare at me. A result of the disguise, I thought. They were under the impression that I was the Queen.   
  
I saw two girls step forward, smiling and waving. They were Saché and Yané! I was so glad to see that they were here and safe. I picked up my pace, eager to speak to them.  
  
They ran ahead and met me before I got to the main assembly of soldiers. Saché was just as I remembered her, but there was something different about Yané. She carried herself with more confidence now than when we had left.  
  
"Saché, Yané! What have you two been through? And Yané, what's this? A medic's armband?"  
  
"Can you believe it? I found I have a talent for healing," Yané stated. She was excited and happy about her newfound vocation, that much was clear. I was so glad for her.   
  
"She surprised everyone. She had to assist with the few trained medical personnel out of necessity, and she took right to it. It's going to be a valuable skill in her duties to the Queen," Saché added.  
  
"Congratulations, it's good to know who to turn to when we run into trouble," I said.  
  
"But I'd have never gotten this far without Saché watching my back. I owe it all to her." Yané beamed at her benefactor.   
  
"I'm looking forward to hearing your adventures," I said. "But first, forgive me if I seem impatient--has there been any news of my parents?"  
  
My friends turned around and looked back at the group of soldiers still under the trees.   
  
Then from the center rose a figure, one that had been seated, so I couldn't have seen him before. I felt awe and joy when he moved from the circle and held his arms out to me. I broke into a dead run, straight into my father's arms. Quickly, he caught me then held me back, just enough to keep me from smearing my makeup with the embrace.   
  
"Father, you're all right, they didn't get you! I should have known that you'd get away," I gasped.   
  
"As I should have known about you," he said, smiling with pride. "The Queen told me of the exceptional work you've done."  
  
I looked around, then felt dread. "Mother...they got Mother, didn't they?"  
  
My father lowered his voice. "I'm sorry, my girl. I couldn't reach her in time. She's in a camp."  
  
This news enraged me, but I soon controlled it. Gods, of all the people on this world that were harmless, my mother had to be the least threatening of them. I would put my energy to good use later, when I could defeat the Federation and get my mother and our world back. I talked with my father and the other soldiers, and we vowed to make the Queen's goal a reality.   
  
After my meeting with Amidala and the other handmaidens I knew exactly what we had to do and how to do it. Even Eirtaé was ready to meet the enemy head on. We were of one accord, a true team at last. We would begin in the morning.  
  
******************  
  
Our attack began as soon as the droid army was away from the city. It was amazing how the pieces seemed to fall into place. This was the kind of thing we had all been trained to do, but never expected to come to pass.  
  
When we got to the square, we started the diversion. I stayed with Panaka and the Queen went with the Jedi as her defense. A few moments later, when the outdoor squad of droids was taken care of, we entered the hangar. I was in time to see two fighters take off. One went down. My heart dove for one second, then I was back in the moment, in the mission.  
  
My group helped take down the remaining droids, which enabled more pilots to man their fighters. I watched them go, and my hopes went with them.   
  
We all gathered in one squadron, and moved to enter the palace. Then our way was blocked by the menacing red and black creature I'd heard of.   
  
//Sith!// I heard from both Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon. They intended to take him on. Amidala and all of the handmaidens stood their ground. We would not let him intimidate us. But Qui-Gon moved forward, and firmly announced that he and his padawan would handle this. I was loathe to leave them, but the Queen realized that it was the best course of action, even though she was unhappy about it herself. I wanted to send them my concern, but since it might break their concentration, I refrained. I hoped they knew how I felt, even without the contact.  
  
Another obstacle then appeared. Destroyers were in the hangar, and had began firing. Some of our men went down, and I took a hit. I fell back into Panaka's arms, and he pulled me out of the line of fire.   
  
"How are you?" He looked scared for me. Fortunatly, only the wind was knocked out of me. I recovered in moments. Looking up, I saw Rabé leaning over Rowan. Gathering myself and pulling away from Panaka, I grabbed him and helped Rabé pull him to a safer area.   
  
We examined him. His injury was worse than mine but not fatal. It did mean that he was out of the battle. He would have to risk hiding here, and hope no other droids would find him before we got back. While I covered them, Rabé and Rowan exchanged a few words, then a kiss before we had to return to the fray.  
  
We had no idea how we were going to get past the destroyers. The Force found a way though-through Anakin. Suddenly, the fighter he was in rose and quickly tore apart the droids with its firepower. It then took off. I bit my lip, hoping this child would be as lucky now as in the pod race.  
  
We moved on, through the hallways. At this time I dropped back, with a few of the group staying with me. The most trusted and the best marksmen were going to remain under my leadership until Amidala's plan called for us. Saché and Yané were to head to the computer contol center and program some new instuctions that would help the pilots in their fight against the Federation's ship. They would remain there to guard that area.  
  
My group went accompanied me along our planned route. We cut down any droids we encountered along the way. I had to wait for the Queen's signal, before I used the next set of passageways to make a quick trip to the throne room for our party. At last it came, and I led us to the door that would get us there.  
  
  
Then the unthinkable happened. Qui-Gon was struck down. I felt Obi-Wan's heartbreak the moment he fell.  
  
I was overwhelmed with Obi-Wan's shock, his utter horror, the cry of his denial in my mind. I almost buckled at the knees, it was so strong. A couple of the guards with me caught me, and asked if I was alright. I nodded, and stood back up, though I was a bit shaky for a few seconds.  
  
Then, Obi-Wan cut me off completely. Had I not been in a struggle of my own, to carry out the plan to lead the battle droids from the Queen, I would have run to him, to try to fight off the dark creature he was facing, alone now.   
  
With great effort, I arrived at the Throne Room, made the announcement to the Viceroy, fired two quick shots to take down the droids at the door. Then we ran. I led our party down another corridor. We had destroyed quite a few droids, but more seemed to pop up from nowhere, and we were beginning to tire. I hoped the Queen was successful. This should not be in vain.   
  
Suddenly the droids went dead. The control ship had been destroyed!   
  
I grabbed my comlink. I prayed the Queen was in control. "Your Highness?"  
  
"I'm here, Sabé. We're well. Go assist the Jedi!"  
  
I ordered the party to follow me. I was compelled to join Obi-Wan and help him dispose of this Sith. I knew where they had gone, and I could get there quickly.  
  
We were too late. Obi-Wan had defeated the creature, but his master was dead in his arms. I reached out to him, tried to touch his mind and offer comfort. He was consumed with grief and would have none of it. I felt a void, like something was missing. I tried again. The result was the same-no response. It was amazing how fast I had become accustomed the warmth of his presence. Now that it was withdrawn, there was a emptiness I couldn't explain.   
  
When he finally let his master go, it was only so we could remove the body. He accompanied the remains to the morgue, as a son would follow his father's corpse, ensuring that it would not be desecrated. I left him to himself , knowing that there was nothing he would allow me do.   
  
I took the news to the Queen. She reacted with shock and sympathy. "We will let Obi-Wan instruct us in the proper funeral rites,"she said. She had to sit down, slumped, one hand on her forehead, to cope with the weight of Qui-Gon's loss. "When you have spoken with the Padawan on this matter, let me know what we must do."   
  
"With all due respect, your Highness, I am not the best choice to assist Kenobi now. Please send another to speak to him." I lowered my eyes, so Amidala would not see my feelings revealed.   
  
She sat up straighter. "Another surprise," she said, with more sympathy in her voice, this time for me. She signaled to Rabé, assigning her the task of dealing with the arrangements. Then she motioned to me to follow her to a side room.   
  
Now that we were alone, she could talk. She approached me, put her hand on mine as a supportive gesture. "What happened between you, Sabé?" she asked. "I thought the two of you were growing close."   
  
"It seemed that way to me, Your Highness,"I said, calmly. "I was mistaken." Despite his rejection of me, I was going to cope with this as a soldier would. Naboo needed my service now, I had no time for self pity. "My Queen, may I begin working? I suggest the palace halls be cleared of battle droid parts at once."  
  
She studied me for a beat. Then said, "Yes, of course. But clean up and change first. We've won the war, we can catch our breath now." She then had to go and take care of the thousand other things that needed her attention.   
  
  
I did as she said, got out of the Queen's outfit I'd been wearing during the battle, washed off the white face and donned a fresh working uniform. Panaka assigned me to supervise a detail that was clearing the palace and surrounding grounds, just as I requested. It comforted me to be working here and staying busy.  
  
While we made progress, a young member of the guard approached me. "Sabé Uzza?"   
  
"Yes," I said.   
  
"Your father sent me to give you a message. Your mother has been located. She is ill and under the physician's care. He requests that you join him as soon as your shift is over. They are in the infimary outside the Palace grounds." He saluted me, and left.   
  
I didn't want to ask a special favor of Panaka, but I needed to find out from him when I could see Mother. I activated the comlink.   
  
"Panaka here."   
  
"Handmaiden Sabé, Captain. With your permission, sir, when may I be released to go see my mother?"  
  
"She's been found? That's good news. You've already put in more than enough time. Delgate your crew to the next ranking officer and you may go."   
  
When I got to her bedside, I found things weren't quite as bad as I had feared. She was weak from dehydration and malnourishment, but with time and care, she would recover. I sat by her bedside and gave her water through most of the night.  
  
The next evening, as I was finishing the job, Amidala approached me. She was bringing the R2 unit, and waving at me. I stopped my work and walked to meet her.  
  
"Sabé, I have a message for you. I didn't want to say anything about it before now, since I couldn't be sure if I would be able to fulfill Qui-Gon's last request. R2 has returned safely to us and is ready to complete this task."  
  
"A message? Why would Qui-Gon leave a message for me?" I was taken completly aback by this. The Jedi Master and I had only briefly exchanged words.  
  
"I don't know, but he told me to be sure that it was delivered to you and you were to see it alone. I'll send Ani to collect R2 later," Amidala told me, then she slipped away.  
  
"Come with me R2, we need privacy." The little droid followed me, beeping and whistling softly the entire way. I found it soothing somehow that it was R2 who was here, not another person to destroy the private moment. We found a secluded spot surrounded by native trees. I needed to hear the news in this kind of setting, where I felt close to peace. I settled down, and said, "I'm ready."  
  
A hologram of Qui-Gon appeared. He bowed. "Lady Sabé, since you are watching this, I am not able to speak to you in person. That means that I cannot give you all the answers to the questions you are going to have. That is unfortunate, for you do deserve the answers. I will try to cover as many of them as I can in this message. "  
  
"I have sensed that you have a gift in your newly discovered powers of the Force. They have been latent in you all your life, and were awakened in your contact with Obi-Wan. It is regrettable that you will not be trained in the Jedi arts. You would have excelled in that discipline, I can tell. I believe that it is the will of the Force for you to contribute in other ways, ways that will test you and that you will have to face alone. By now, it is quite probable that Obi-Wan has cut you off. Please try not to be angry with him about this. He will be mourning my loss, dealing with accepting Anakin, and awaiting a decision from the council about his status. Because of his uncertainty, he will think the best course of action is to leave you with no ties to bind either of you. I advise you to let him be for the present. When the Force does wish to bring you together, as I trust it does, this will come about. There are no accidents and only good will come from this relationship, even if we don't see how. There are many things that you can teach each other, when he is ready. "  
  
The message continued. "I must urge you Sabé, to keep your gifts secret for now. I have left in this R2 unit some of the texts I carry with me. Take the information, and learn what you can from this. Study anything else you can find, meditate and excercise. Open your mind and heart to the Force and its teachings. Stay in the light, but tell no one in the Temple of what you are doing , not even Obi-Wan. I know you will feel isolated and lost but it is most important that you proceed in this way, not only for your sake, but for future generations. You are wise and you will know who to reveal yourself to as well as when."   
  
His expression softened, and sadness crossed his features. "Collect what you have learned, what you will learn. Guard it well, you may be the only one who can supply the truth later. I do regret that I cannot help you more." He sighed. "When you become a teacher, tell the children about me, make me sound like a proud grandfather who would have loved them. Let them know that someday one will come they can join and they will be able to share their talents openly. I will be watching you all. Farewell and may the Force be with you."   
  
Qui-Gon's image faded. With tears in my eyes, I patted R2 on his dome. A hatch on the small droid opened and gave me a crystal for a datapad, the one the Master had spoken of in the recording. "Please erase the last message played," I stated. I sat down to release all the emotion pent up inside.  
  
Anakin found me not long after that. He almost caught me by surprise. But I heard his footsteps scrape the walk and I looked up. He seemed puzzled by my mood. "Why are you so sad? The war is won. Now you can be with the one you wanted, the one you mentioned to me on Coruscant, can't you?"  
  
I couldn't be upset with him. It was an innocent question and he meant well. I took a deep breath. "No, I can't, Ani. I've lost him."  
  
Ani's eyes widened in horror, then he dropped his head. In a small, ashamed voice, he said, "I'm sorry..."  
  
I held out my hand to him. "There's no way you could have known. Just be my friend, and give me your support."  
  
He grabbed my hand, and squeezed it hard. "I do have one request of you, " I began. "Don't tell anyone of this conversation, not even another Jedi, please?"  
  
The boy nodded, very seriously. There were no more words spoken as he sat with me for awhile, but he was able to send out a feeling of warmth and caring. Amidala would be lucky indeed, when they were both older.   
  
When some time had passed, I spoke. "Ani, you're here to take R2 to the Queen. She'll be wondering where you've got to. You'd better go back now. I'll be all right."  
  
He looked as if he didn't believe that, but he could tell it was time to go. Smiling in sympathy, he left me to my work.   
  
  
  
*******************************************   
  
Our victory parade was a few days later. It was an elaborate celebration. Many dignitaries were present. In an earlier time, I would have been enthralled with the spectacle, as excited as many of the children that waved flags, clapped with the music, and just enjoyed life. As it was, I was numb. Between my job, the extra hours of service that were required, the funeral for Qui-Gon, and caring for my mother through her illness, I was exhausted. Then there was the matter of dealing with my feelings for Kenobi, an issue I was putting off thinking about for as long as possible.  
  
Almost immediatly afterwards, it was time for the Jedi to leave. That included Kenobi, and now Anakin. As they moved to board the ship with the rest of the council, Anakin stopped halfway up the ramp. He turned and sought out Amidala. They had exchanged private goodbyes earlier, but Ani had to get one last shot. His wave and rogueish grin was very charming and the Queen responded with as big a smile as she could muster.   
  
Kenobi turned only when he noticed his Padawan Learner was no longer by his side. He seemed annoyed that Ani had stopped, and was urging him to come along. His gaze followed Ani's line of sight to see what had the boy's attention. When he realized it was the Queen, he bowed slightly in her direction. For a split second, Obi-Wan averted his gaze to me. Our eyes met, but he quickly shifted and turned away. He patted Ani's back, and moved him into the ship. The ramp drew up, and then they were gone.  
  
My chin lowered just slightly. Only the Queen caught that, only she would have noticed.  
  
"Are you alright?" She asked, whispering. Her lips barely moved. We had gotten very good at this, communicating deep feeling between ourselves without anyone else realizing it.   
  
"He didn't say goodbye," I answered, in the same manner. With that, I admitted to her what I would have to no one else- that it mattered to me.   
  
"He looked back. The game's not over yet," Amidala stated.   
  
"Yes, your Highness," was all I could say. I wasn't about to debate the point with her. I thought that part of my life was over, and I should prepare to go on, to forget all about the Jedi Knight.  
  
That proved easier said than done.  
  
  
****************************  
  
It was six weeks after our victory celebration. I was in my place at Amidala's side. The session for Court was almost over. It had been a long day, and I was tired. I was feeling that way more often lately, unusally so. The Queen had noticed and sent me to her personal physician. I got the news from him that morning.   
  
There was no question of what I had to do. I wrote my resignation letter, informing Panaka and the Queen of my intention to leave my post as handmaiden. It was one of the hardest things I have ever done, giving up this job. But soon, I would not be able to fulfill my duties. It was best for all that I leave.  
  
As the session was closed, various dignitaries, attendants, and members of the Naboo court were dismissed. The handmaidens were the only ones left with Panaka and Amidala. The Queen usually dismissed us at this point and I was looking forward to leaving and getting back to our quarters to pack.   
  
The Queen announced, "Sabé, I wish for you to stay. All other handmaidens are free for the day." The other four women filed out. As they passed me, I saw the question in their eyes. It would be difficult to leave them, too. We had become friends, not just a squad in service to the Queen. Even Eiraté and I had started relating to one another. It seems I had won her respect with my performance during the battle.  
  
When they had exited, I faced Panaka and Amidala. I bowed to the Queen, and saluted the Captain. "How may I serve you?"  
  
Amidala, still acting in her offical capacity, stated, "We will not accept this resignation without a good reason, Handmaiden."  
  
Panaka interjected, "Sabé, what's wrong? Did your mother have a change of heart and pressure you to do this?"  
  
I swallowed hard at the mention of my mother. She did not know of my condition yet. She would be the most difficult one of all to face. "No Captain, this has nothing to do with my mother." I felt tears start to well up, but controlled them.   
  
A soft voice, that of Padmé, asked me, "Then what is it? Please tell me, my friend."  
  
"Captain, Your Highness-I have been informed this morning that I am with child." There, I had finally said it.   
  
She was wearing the elaborate robes of the Queen, but it was my close friend and confidante who came down from the throne and held me in her comforting embrace. "Don't leave us. We will find a way to work this out," she told me in soothing tones.  
  
"You would still want me after my transgression?" I was surprised. Looking back, perhaps I should have expected that of her.   
  
"As long as I am Queen, you will have a place here, if you want it," she said.  
  
I did want it. It was good to know that I was not going to have to face the future alone. "Thank you, Your Highness. I will stay."  
  
"Good," she said. "Go rest now, there's plenty of time to talk about this later. Thank you for your honesty, and for your decision."  
  
For the first time that day, I smiled as I bowed before them.   
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
